Last night, I needed the title of a book I knew I had read, so I came here, knowing I would find it (Silent Alarm, if you're curious). Anyway, I was embarrassed by how long it's been since I blogged about books. March 2021 was the last time I posted. A lot has happened, so I thought I would include a bit about the time I have been gone from here, as well as recap as many books as I can remember reading from that time (or at least the ones that made an impact of some kind).
My Life From March 2021-Now
Wow, so a lot has happened since March 2021. My last entry was eleven days before I proposed to my boyfriend, Rufus (That's a story for another time though). Together, we watched my college team, the Sam Houston State Bearkats, win the National Championship in football. We celebrated our first anniversary, my birthday, and both of us progressing in our careers (He was made a director of analytics and I changed schools/school districts). My son, Jacob, relocated from Kalispell, Montana to Manassas, Virginia (outside of DC). My daughter, Hannah, was living her best life. We were planning a life together, but first, a trip over Thanksgiving break to Washington DC to see my son, and Tennessee so I could meet his family.
Then the worst happened. On Sunday, November 7, 2021, my beloved Rufus died unexpectedly. No one knew for two days, and we only found out because his employer as well as myself requested a wellness check on him. On that day, life as I knew it ended. I've lost people before, but I was in no way prepared for losing the man I loved, the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with.
Grief is a bitch. When you lose a loved one, you find out who in your life really matters, and that was true for me. Oddly, it wasn't friends that I lost, but family members. I have been preached at my whole life about the importance of family, that they would be the ones who would always be there, but when I needed them most, they were nowhere to be found. So, on top of losing the most important person in my life, I also lost what I thought was my support system.
Luckily for me, God puts us where we need to be. In my new school, I made friends who let me talk and listened without judgment, and I had my best assistant principal/evaluator to date. Then there were my students...I could not have made it without them. School was my happy place, which was fine until school was out for summer.
Those were some dark days after Rufus' death. I had all the "firsts": first Thanksgiving, first Christmas, first birthday, first anniversary...you get the idea. If I wasn't at school, I was at home, alone. It was just me and my thoughts for a lot of the time. The people in my life who cared called me to check up on me frequently, but I just didn't want to participate in life. I would never hurt myself, but to be honest, I didn't care if I lived or died. That's not a good spot to be in, and I ultimately had a bit of a mental breakdown. Nothing that required hospitalization, but it was the sign I needed to see a therapist. That turned into a blessing.
Another blessing was pool. When Rufus was alive, he convinced me to join a pool team with him. I had never really played before and he was a certified instructor, so I thought it would be fine. Turns out that what they say is true: teachers make the worst students. Despite all of his efforts, I was still terrible. But back to that team we joined. The people were nice enough, but I always felt this underlying current of "We need to win," and being a beginner, it added more stress than I needed. Rufus had his own reasons for not enjoying our team, and we decided it would be best if we quit.
I told you that because a friend of his from the pool hall, Laurie, reached out to me after Rufus died, and has checked up on me more than most. She made it her mission to get me playing again. She said she'd make sure I was on a good team, and when a spot opened up on her team, she asked me to join. In June 2022, I started playing on Anger Management. We play 8- and 9-ball every Sunday. At first (and for several months thereafter), I was anxious and apprehensive. I stayed in my head and never won. I would look each week at the skill levels of the opposing teams and sigh in relief if it looked like I wouldn't have to play. In July, I joined the Hot Flashes, my ladies' league team.
As time went on, I started to feel confident, and my playing got marginally better. I still lose a lot (like today when I got my ass handed to me), but I have fun, which is what it's really about. And, my friends at the pool hall have become my family. I look forward to going each week. Plus, Anger Management was first place for both 8- and 9-ball during the summer 2022 session, so we will be playing in the qualifiers for a chance to go to Vegas later this month. How cool is that?
Hmm... more good things...In December 2022, my daughter got engaged to her boyfriend, Mason, and they will be getting married later this year. I finally get to enjoy my role as mother of the bride. :) I have been to Washington DC (and New York City) three times since Rufus died, and it has been amazing each time. I got to see Wicked at the Gershwin Theatre on Broadway for my birthday in 2022, as well as eat at Butter, a restaurant owned by celebrity chef, Alex Guarnasceli. Saw Six in both the National Theatre in Washington DC and the Hobby Center in Houston-a performance with each of my children.
And friends...I have my best friends, Amy and Yvette, both of whom I love unconditionally. They allow me to be me, broken as I am. I have my pool friends, Laurie, Karen, Jerry, RC, Leah, Angela, Melinda, Drew, Tina, Carol, Eva, Adam, Tara, Nicole...and so many more. And my work friends...Remember when I said God puts you where you need to be? Stacy was the first person I met at my new school, and we hit it off amazingly well. Then there was Kyrsten, my mentor, who always told me I didn't need a mentor so we could just be friends. Jill, who was a newbie who needed help navigating our new school. When Rufus died, I had Heather and Jenna, and Laci, who loved me through the tough times. This past school year, I had three English I courses, so I was moved to the other end of the building. It was there that Bethanie, Danyale, Haley, and Jenny became my work family, as well as Sarah. There are so many more, and they all helped me navigate this new life.
The last few months have been better. My meds seem to finally be doing what they should, and I find myself smiling again. We've now passed the point where Rufus has been gone longer than I have known him, and sometimes, I don't know how to feel about that. I still find myself missing him, but I also know he wouldn't want me to be unhappy all the time. I don't sob every night anymore, and I have things to look forward to. Life is worth living for me again.
Anyway, I thought I'd share...for the six of you who read my blog (who also probably already know all of this). I'll be back in the next couple of days to recap some of the books I read in my absence, and I will start blogging about the books I read. It's a service really.
